Pregnancy #2, in which things get real

{We found out we were having a girl on Valentines Day - so pink cookies were easy to find.}

I love birthy topics, talking to pregnant ladies abouttheir birth stories and pregnancy experiences, all things birth related really. Some of this stems from what a great 9 months I had the first time around. I mean, there was the heart burn and the terrible months of July and August where any amount of clothing in this Southern humid air was instantly drenched in sweat, but for the most part I loved being pregnant with Becks. This time around, I am having a different experience altogether.
At about week 21 I was pretty much done, ready for my baby girl to be here, ready to have possession of my body once again. For those of you who aren't used to the 40 week scenario - that's about half way though. I won't complain too much, but from the moment of conception this pregnancy has put my allergies into high gear, something that apparently happens to some women and is officially called prenatal rhinitis. At this point it's been 29 weeks of nonstop sneezing and runny noses.

One thing people don't tell you very often is that the last trimester of pregnancy gives you a glimpse at what your geriatric days will feel like. I groan when getting up from or getting into most positions, my bones and muscles ache and I regularly pee myself a little when coughing, sneezing or laughing too hard.

I've decide a few things have contributed to my nonplussed attitude towards this pregnancy - having a toddler prevents me from napping much or sleeping in as often as I did the first time around. And while I would never trade in the 2 years that Beckett nursed, the last pregnancy was kicking off a long period in which my body, even after Beck's birth, was still not my own. So instead being at the beginning of an exciting journey, I'm at the half way point and I'm feeling a little homesick and worn out.

So here are some things I'm doing to get through this last trimester with my spirit in tact:

• Take long showers - it makes me happy and it's an indulgence because I know it's not good for the environment or our pocket book.
• Drink a cup a day - my first time around I had a cup a week, now with more demands on my time and energy, I allow myself one cup of coffee a day.
• Ask for foot rubs - I am lucky in that my husband offers these up pretty often, but if he doesn't and I'm feeling like I need a little pampering  I just ask. He has never refused me.
• Enjoy a glass of wine - so not doctor recommended, but very seldom,  usually when we have friends over, I will have a half a glass of red wine. Women in Europe do it and a whole continent can't be wrong.

There are, of course, things that are great about pregnancy number 2, like knowing that most every thing that made me worry the last time around is totally normal and not having too much anxiety about labor. We're much more prepared. I will not be packing my hospital bag in between contractions this time, that's for sure.

However, for now it's 29 weeks and counting until I have another birth story to share with all my birthy friends.

(You can read the first one here - Part 1 and Part 2)

Ina May Gaskin Movie

Last night I saw a screening of the documentary - Birth Story: Ina May Gaskin & the Farm Midwives. It was so inspiring and amazing, not just because I'm a woman who happens to be pregnant, but because these women came up and into themselves in a time and place that let them bloom into exactly the people they were supposed to be. I think that's a hard thing for women, and men, today. Midwifery is such a calling and passion for all the women in the movie. It's a rare thing to get an in depth view of.

(I wanted to post the trailer, but free Wordpress won't let me. Watch the trailer here. Wordpress has many rules I'm finding. It's distressing. I will be moving the blog as soon as I can. But more on that later. )

As impressed as I was with the documentary, the midwives, the footage of all the different births and Ina May herself - she's a big time hero of mine - I was impressed with our birthing community. Woman and families of Louisville, you rock. I don't know the official turn out, but it had to be around 200 people. There were tables set up before hand with so many of our wonderful birth related service providers, from doulas to placenta encapsulation ladies, everyone was represented. After the screening there was a panel of local midwives, including two from my own birth team who answered questions and lead a very interesting discussion on the state of midwifery in KY today.

It's so heartening to be in a community that shares so many of the things I hold so dear to my heart.

New Digs - Changing from a nursery to a shared kids room

I entered my third trimester on Saturday and had a moment of how-am-I-ever-going-to-handle-a-toddler-AND-an-infant. Luckily, Hillary and I had plans to rehab Beckett's little boy room into a dual kids space for him and his soon to arrive sister. Nothing helps calm pre-baby panic like nesting. So off Becks went to stay with my parents, near Chicago, I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am for them, and Hill and I emptied the room for painting.

I did an abysmal job at before photos, but you can see what we started with above. It's hard to tell in the photos but the gray in the before shots is much bluer than the gray we painted. Note the color of the dresser and changing table behind Beckett's percussion sesh.

As you can see my husband is a master at striping, he did the skate board hooks for Beckett's second birthday that you can see in the top left photo. These have been great for teaching him to hang up his coat and hat when he comes in the house. The yellow racing stripe goes up, across the ceiling and back down on to the other wall, so it touches all four walls. I'm very impressed with how it turned out.

The dresser and changing table were spray painted during some dude hang time on Saturday night while I washed and folded baby clothes. The white brightens up the room, but keeps it gender neutral. Beckett also gets a bedside table for his books and a reading light. I also have two small stools that fit under the table so it can be used for activities as well.

We desperately needed more closet organization, since I had almost nowhere to put infant stuff. I purchased that hanging cubby and a clothes rack extender, that you can barely see in the bottom right photo. This gave me a great space for hanging some of Beckett's clothes so he can easily reach them and start picking outfits out for himself.  Super easy closet upgrade and done for under $30.

 

For the final touch, we got a fun, fuzzy rug for playing on. We live in a ranch that's built on a concrete slab and the floors are super hard.   This addition is already enticing Becks to play in his room more often.

There are a few more things we need to do to complete the project - replace the light with a ceiling fan, hang the window treatments and do something cute over the crib to designate some space for our little girl. Hopefully it happens before she gets here, but I'm feeling pretty good at all we accomplished so far. 12-14 weeks isn't seeming quite as short a time as it did last week.

Dealing With Jerky Parents

My husband takes Becks to preschool twice a week. He loves it. We love it. The school is amazing, the teachers, the parents, we've been nothing but impressed. Or that's what I would have said yesterday. Going forward, I will add "for the most part," after the parents bit of the sentence.
Today B got pushed down by another little boy in class. Big deal, right? Happens all the time. Yes. Kids are emotional and do inexplicable things sometimes. This is no exception.

My husband happened to be watching as a little boy ran up and pushed B, causing him to fall out of shoes, hit the ground and basically become a sobbing mess. He wasn't expecting it and didn't see it coming. Poor dude.

As my husband consoled him and helped him put his shoes back on, his cries attracted the attention of the teachers, who are always loving, and the mom of the pusher, who quickly made excuses for her child, with no apology. And that's fine. As I said before, things like this happen. I wouldn't even expect a 3 year old to apologize.

I have a sensitive son. He has a lot of feelings and we encourage him to express them, for as long and in whatever (productive) way he needs to. So as Hillary comforted him, the mom made a comment about how Becks was overreacting. And this is where I clench my jaw and my eyes get super wide and I nod at your wordless sympathizing that she would have the nerve to be all judgey about a two year old that her son pushed down.

I am proud of Hillary. He stayed level headed in front of the kids and the teachers, ignored the woman, made sure B was good to go and left, even though he was furious and commented to me later, that he'd never felt that type of anger before. That protective type of anger. He did exactly what he should have though and was the bigger person. I am so proud of him, because I am not sure I would have had the restraint to not give that mom at the very least a look and a snarky comment.

I am very supportive of other parents. I think we all need to help each other out and accept different ways of parenting. If you'd like to silently, or not so silently, judge me or my parenting style, go for it. I am an adult and I'm secure in my choices. But do not judge my child for how he deals with bruised knees or hurt feelings. And if you do, hope it's in front of my husband, because he will handle it better than I.

Race & Toddlers

In the middle of unloading my paper towels, plastic Easter eggs, diapers and dental floss onto the conveyor belt at Target, Beckett pointed to our cashier and said, "Her is black." We've been working on our colors at home. Skin color has not come into the lesson, but he made the jump on his own. My face immediately flushed.

Now let's freeze here for a minute - why was I embarrassed? Well, first, the cashier was NOT amused. So that didn't help. But I wasn't embarrassed when he said loud enough for the mother to hear, "That baby has a helmet on. Maybe he was skateboarding," about an infant with a head shaping helmet on. And I'm never embarrassed when he talks about a child at school who is in a wheelchair or has leg braces. He's curious, learning and only two and a half. Did I think that our cashier thought he was racist? I mean, look at the kid, he is never less cute than  the photo above, clearly he has no hate or malice. Perhaps I was afraid she thought I was racist. I'm not, but I felt like saying anything about it would be completely awkward. "OH! He's just learning his colors. We love everyone. No racism in our house! Ha. Haa..." Yep. Glad I didn't go that route.

She just stared at me with steely eyes, as she bagged our items. Something needed to be said. "Say hello, B," was all I could think of. To which she got a sing songy "Hiii," and a wave from him. Still nothing on her end. I gave an overly friendly goodbye. And on the way out I talked about all the skin shades, eye and hair color people come in and told him that it's just a little part of what makes the world such an interesting and beautiful place.

But I'm still thinking about it. Should I have done something different? Or maybe our cashier was just having a bad day.