Labeling: Attachment Parenting

Gen X is an I'm-not-into-labels generation, who is really into labels. This goes for our society in general, but I notice it a lot among my peers. I have participated in this game myself - "This bar, (which I frequent) is always full of hipsters. Who me? No, I'm not a hipster, I just like the beer selection."

Labels, however, are a part of our culture and like them or not, everyone has some. As I've gotten older, I have become comfortable with most of mine. For example, I'm a Liberal, a vegetarian, a feminist and an attachment parent, to name a few. I get some eye rolls at that last one. I'm always a bit confused by this reaction for two reasons.

Reason one is this - most people are practicing or have practiced at least one aspect of attachment parenting and just don't realize it. They have chosen to breastfeed on demand, wear their baby in a carrier, sleep with their child in the room with them or have decided spanking or screaming wasn't the way they wanted to discipine their children. What I am saying by claiming an attachment parent label is, I have done some research and I am making purposeful choices in an effort to raise an empathetic, self assured kid who will grow to be independent, instead of just leaving it up to chance. I mean nothing is 100%, but I think raising a kid deserves at least as much effort and research as I put into my Masters degree. In my opinon, that's about as nonoffensive as it comes. And if someone is still offended by it once they know what it is? Well that brings me to my second point of confusion.

Reason two - No one said you had to do it. I certainly didn't. To be blunt, I don't give an esse or an effe (pick one) what you do, as long as it doesn't harm others. I'd like the same curtesey. I feel about AP like I feel about being a vegetarian, it works for me and my family and I would never assume any one else was interested, unless they actually showed interest. Like AP, there are people in my acquaintence who are actually angered by vegetarianism. What is it that offends them? The Boca burgers taking up freezer space at the grocery store? No one is taking your cow meat or bacon away, calm down.

Is this all just ignorance or insecurity, perhaps? I'm not sure. I do know no one is judging you. Or rather, if they are judging you that's their problem. Only if you care, does it become yours. So what's my point?

Live and let live or live and let die, if you're a McCartney fan. Label if you must, but let's not put too much weight behind them. And, since I know the judging won't stop, at least do your research and make sure you know the details behind what you judge.

All It Takes Is A MOMent

Whew, okay, here I am. (Smooths wrinkles out of skirt and fluffs hair.) I've returned to the party that is life. I had to take a break there for a minute. My sweet little Marlowe Sawyer arrived 7 weeks early and had a 16 day stay in the NICU. There's a lot of emotions there. I'm still processing. We'll talk later.

The important thing is, she's perfect. And home. And, who would have guessed, easier to parent at this moment than our spirited toddler. 

My point for today, however, is a message to new moms. I just left the house for the first time alone in a month and I feel amazing. In these first weeks of being consumed by my newborn, I totally didn't even notice that I needed a moment to myself.

As I cranked up the AC in the car, rolled down the windows (I know, terrible) and turned up the radio I felt like someone splashed me in the face with a bucket of icy cold water. I felt completely rejuvenated singing along to that new Pharrell, Robin Thicke track - Blurred Lines - I'm sure you've heard it. If not, though, seriously ya'll, check it out. Feel good hit of the summer.

It's crazy how a short drive to get an allergy shot, of all things, can change the feel of the entire day. I highly recommend a mini escape to new moms (all moms) , even if it's just for a few minutes with something that makes you happy, besides your baby. You might not feel like you need it, but you do. Trust.

Acquiring Kids Clothes

{My favorite outfit for B last summer. He still wears this American Apparel cardi.}

Kids clothes - I can not think of a more perfect thing to reuse, however you may get them, passed down from friends or family, snagged at a second hand shop or haggled for at a local yard sale. I mean, in that first year, they wear them for like 3 months and are grown out of them in no time, sometimes even before a second wear. Holiday outfits, I'm talking to you.

We have been very fortunate to be on the receiving end of some serious clothing and toy purges from our family and friends. Being the oldest child of not only my immediate family, but my extended, I had not experienced the awesomeness that are hand-me-downs. I love when our friends and family with older kids clean out their closets! Now that I'm thinking of it, my children may not always share my enthusiasm for this, but I still have a good few years of personal excitement while going through a new bag of used clothes.

Alas, the hand-me-downs don't fill every need and can be sporadic (also part of the fun, you never know when they're coming.) As summer approaches, we need some 3T essentials for Becks and as our due date approaches we need some little girl clothes. That's a lot of clothes to pick out at the local Once Upon A Child. I mean, have you ever tried to purchase clothing there? I love the concept, but it's like shopping at the local Good Will, also a place I'm glad exists, but just don't have the patience to rummage through the over packed racks for a few pairs of toddler shorts. (In my youth, I used to do this all the time, but have lost my taste for it over the years.)

This made me wish I could buy an assorted mix of kids clothes in a bundle, like the grab bag option at American Apparel. Which is, incidentally, my favorite place to buy kids clothes new. Solid color basics, made of natural fibers here in the U.S. (fair and safe working conditions - hello Bangladesh). Have you ever tried to find a t-shirt at Target or Babies R Us that doesn't say "Daddy's Little Girl" or "Mommy's Little Monster." It's hard and, just, gag.

Enter my new obsession: buying children's clothes by the lot. You get a bunch of clothes all at once and can search by any size. There are actually a lot of options out there. I was surprised. Okay, so I haven't actually purchased anything yet, but I have my eye on a few very colorful and floral pattern heavy collections of baby girl clothes on eBay. I started searching Craigslist, which I can see the upside being more instant gratification because you can generally pick them up locally, same day. 

However, people who use Craigslist are kind of incapable of focusing a camera and I didn't want to waste the gas to find out all of the clothes were stained or smelled like cigarettes. The eBay users are pretty good with a camera, for the most part, and know the benefit of multiple photos.

So who has been doing this forever? Tips? I'm clearly a newbie, but am in love with the idea of getting a bunch of new-to-us stuff all at once while saving the Earth and our money.

Pregnancy #2, in which things get real

{We found out we were having a girl on Valentines Day - so pink cookies were easy to find.}

I love birthy topics, talking to pregnant ladies abouttheir birth stories and pregnancy experiences, all things birth related really. Some of this stems from what a great 9 months I had the first time around. I mean, there was the heart burn and the terrible months of July and August where any amount of clothing in this Southern humid air was instantly drenched in sweat, but for the most part I loved being pregnant with Becks. This time around, I am having a different experience altogether.
At about week 21 I was pretty much done, ready for my baby girl to be here, ready to have possession of my body once again. For those of you who aren't used to the 40 week scenario - that's about half way though. I won't complain too much, but from the moment of conception this pregnancy has put my allergies into high gear, something that apparently happens to some women and is officially called prenatal rhinitis. At this point it's been 29 weeks of nonstop sneezing and runny noses.

One thing people don't tell you very often is that the last trimester of pregnancy gives you a glimpse at what your geriatric days will feel like. I groan when getting up from or getting into most positions, my bones and muscles ache and I regularly pee myself a little when coughing, sneezing or laughing too hard.

I've decide a few things have contributed to my nonplussed attitude towards this pregnancy - having a toddler prevents me from napping much or sleeping in as often as I did the first time around. And while I would never trade in the 2 years that Beckett nursed, the last pregnancy was kicking off a long period in which my body, even after Beck's birth, was still not my own. So instead being at the beginning of an exciting journey, I'm at the half way point and I'm feeling a little homesick and worn out.

So here are some things I'm doing to get through this last trimester with my spirit in tact:

• Take long showers - it makes me happy and it's an indulgence because I know it's not good for the environment or our pocket book.
• Drink a cup a day - my first time around I had a cup a week, now with more demands on my time and energy, I allow myself one cup of coffee a day.
• Ask for foot rubs - I am lucky in that my husband offers these up pretty often, but if he doesn't and I'm feeling like I need a little pampering  I just ask. He has never refused me.
• Enjoy a glass of wine - so not doctor recommended, but very seldom,  usually when we have friends over, I will have a half a glass of red wine. Women in Europe do it and a whole continent can't be wrong.

There are, of course, things that are great about pregnancy number 2, like knowing that most every thing that made me worry the last time around is totally normal and not having too much anxiety about labor. We're much more prepared. I will not be packing my hospital bag in between contractions this time, that's for sure.

However, for now it's 29 weeks and counting until I have another birth story to share with all my birthy friends.

(You can read the first one here - Part 1 and Part 2)

Ina May Gaskin Movie

Last night I saw a screening of the documentary - Birth Story: Ina May Gaskin & the Farm Midwives. It was so inspiring and amazing, not just because I'm a woman who happens to be pregnant, but because these women came up and into themselves in a time and place that let them bloom into exactly the people they were supposed to be. I think that's a hard thing for women, and men, today. Midwifery is such a calling and passion for all the women in the movie. It's a rare thing to get an in depth view of.

(I wanted to post the trailer, but free Wordpress won't let me. Watch the trailer here. Wordpress has many rules I'm finding. It's distressing. I will be moving the blog as soon as I can. But more on that later. )

As impressed as I was with the documentary, the midwives, the footage of all the different births and Ina May herself - she's a big time hero of mine - I was impressed with our birthing community. Woman and families of Louisville, you rock. I don't know the official turn out, but it had to be around 200 people. There were tables set up before hand with so many of our wonderful birth related service providers, from doulas to placenta encapsulation ladies, everyone was represented. After the screening there was a panel of local midwives, including two from my own birth team who answered questions and lead a very interesting discussion on the state of midwifery in KY today.

It's so heartening to be in a community that shares so many of the things I hold so dear to my heart.