Boys vs. Girls

I read a really nicely written blog post today by Kim Simon about the Steubenville rape and how we need to take responsibility for raising kind, caring and tuned in sons, not just as people, but specifically with their future sexual partners. You should read it, here's the link.

She hit on something that really resonated with me. My son, Beckett, is two and a half, and at the end of June we are expecting his little sister. I have always wanted one of each. I wanted to experience the differences and similarities of raising someone my own gender and one of the opposite, plus boys against girls on family game night and, yes, I'll admit, I want to buy cute girl clothes. However when I found out I was pregnant this time around I wondered if maybe a boy would just be easier.

I've got the hang of this boy raising thing now, I thought. We keep the visual media to a minimum, curb the violent play (which seems to crop up out of nowhere) with plenty of creative, independent play. We use gentle discipline and help him work through feelings that he doesn't understand, just as Simon suggests in her article. He is kind and we hope to keep him on that track. With another boy, I could put him on that same track and I'd be dodging the pink and purple onslaught from well meaning gift givers. Then there's the princess culture, body image issues, revealing clothing at too young an age, the worries about having a girl stacked up in my mind very quickly.

But Simon goes on to point out that raising a kind boy, something that isn't really that common a goal for rearing males in our society, is only the first part. As he ages there needs to be lots of frank and open discussion about sex and that really scares me. I'm not sure I know how to do it.

My parents are my best friends, but for whatever reason, that is not a subject I have ever been comfortable speaking about with them. When I was a sophomore in college, my dad, who knew that my boyfriend was coming to visit me down at school, asked me frankly and in a friendly tone if we were having sex. Of course we were.

I freaked.

"Ah! Dad, I'm not talking to you about this. Mom! Tell him to stop!" I escaped as quickly as possible to my bedroom.

What could my dad have done differently? Perhaps, have been my mom, other than that I have no clue. But I have time to learn and as Simon points out the conversation will change as he grows.
I think the take away here is that we worry about our girls, and with good reason, a lot of thoughtful parenting is required in this day and age to raise confident and self aware young ladies. But we should be giving as much thought to raising our boys and it doesn't stop with instilling them with empathy, it starts there.